Awkward Reflections on a Younger and More Thoughtless Me
Ughhhhhhhh.
Your favourite (okay but probably not) ghoul has returned for another revealing insight into her musings, embarrassing moments, and periodic (read: biannual) life updates.
Ladies. Gentlemen. Non-binary folks. Have you ever delved into the deep...DEEP...hellish yet surprisingly dusty catacombs of your Tumblr archive? Do you still have a MySpace or a VampireFreaks account? Does Bebo even exist anymore? Does Facebook continuously offer up gems from the past so that you may relive the humiliating versions of yourself that you'd rather pretend never existed in the first place?
I did. I decided, for no other purpose other than sheer boredom, and a vague curiosity regarding how much I've changed as a person (but mostly how many stages my poor eyebrows have suffered through), to scroll back through the stacks upon stacks of Tumblr blog posts- OOTD's, selfies, detailed accounts and logs of my feelings about quite literally- everything.
Gather round the campfire kids, and allow me to elaborate. I was, once upon a time, twenty one years old. That was the approximate age that I really fell headfirst down the Tumblr rabbit hole. Instagram wasn't as much of a thing, Facebook was still doing its The Little Social Media Platform That Could impression, and for the first time in my life I felt confident enough to use my voice and share my face after spending the previous decade give or take, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible because no way was I going to confront anything or anyone while I was fat.
For those who are not aware, I have battled with food addiction and weight pretty much since I can remember. I'm not out here to trigger people who have body image issues or problems surrounding their relationship with food. But my size has been a huge factor in my level of self esteem, and it is my story. Things are getting better for fat people, but we as a society are still so far behind where we should be when it comes to being inclusive.
Back on track. Guys, I had an opinion about everything. Do I want to admit I liked the attention that being, quite frankly, an asshole, got me? Not really, but I will. I was getting positive attention from strangers on the internet and I loved it. Not everyone agreed with me, naturally, but even having people who only knew me through my blog STICK UP FOR ME was almost like a high.
One of the biggest topics I wish I had never blogged about, ever, until I became more informed and educated- was white privilege and reverse racism, and how they didn't exist. Virtually every single one of my posts wasn't about anything even remotely interesting, and if they weren't attention seeking for the sake of it...they were bitchy. Bitchy and judgemental. Oh so bitchy. I did not check myself, not a once. I did not listen to people when they told me that what I was saying wasn't okay.
I was That Girl. Over the last, probably five years or so, I've grown as a human being in so many ways. I think before I speak (or post). I've become very private. If I express my opinions about anything, I make sure that they're informed and that I can back them up. My eyebrows are nicer. I'm a little fatter. I have unlearned my indoctrinated and inherited prejudice, but there is always room for improvement. I've come on in leaps and bounds from those days, and I hope that I never stop evolving.
What are some of the ways that you've changed? If you could go back three, five, or even ten years, what lessons and advice would you impart to your younger self?
Your favourite (okay but probably not) ghoul has returned for another revealing insight into her musings, embarrassing moments, and periodic (read: biannual) life updates.
Ladies. Gentlemen. Non-binary folks. Have you ever delved into the deep...DEEP...hellish yet surprisingly dusty catacombs of your Tumblr archive? Do you still have a MySpace or a VampireFreaks account? Does Bebo even exist anymore? Does Facebook continuously offer up gems from the past so that you may relive the humiliating versions of yourself that you'd rather pretend never existed in the first place?
I did. I decided, for no other purpose other than sheer boredom, and a vague curiosity regarding how much I've changed as a person (but mostly how many stages my poor eyebrows have suffered through), to scroll back through the stacks upon stacks of Tumblr blog posts- OOTD's, selfies, detailed accounts and logs of my feelings about quite literally- everything.
Gather round the campfire kids, and allow me to elaborate. I was, once upon a time, twenty one years old. That was the approximate age that I really fell headfirst down the Tumblr rabbit hole. Instagram wasn't as much of a thing, Facebook was still doing its The Little Social Media Platform That Could impression, and for the first time in my life I felt confident enough to use my voice and share my face after spending the previous decade give or take, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible because no way was I going to confront anything or anyone while I was fat.
For those who are not aware, I have battled with food addiction and weight pretty much since I can remember. I'm not out here to trigger people who have body image issues or problems surrounding their relationship with food. But my size has been a huge factor in my level of self esteem, and it is my story. Things are getting better for fat people, but we as a society are still so far behind where we should be when it comes to being inclusive.
Back on track. Guys, I had an opinion about everything. Do I want to admit I liked the attention that being, quite frankly, an asshole, got me? Not really, but I will. I was getting positive attention from strangers on the internet and I loved it. Not everyone agreed with me, naturally, but even having people who only knew me through my blog STICK UP FOR ME was almost like a high.
One of the biggest topics I wish I had never blogged about, ever, until I became more informed and educated- was white privilege and reverse racism, and how they didn't exist. Virtually every single one of my posts wasn't about anything even remotely interesting, and if they weren't attention seeking for the sake of it...they were bitchy. Bitchy and judgemental. Oh so bitchy. I did not check myself, not a once. I did not listen to people when they told me that what I was saying wasn't okay.
I was That Girl. Over the last, probably five years or so, I've grown as a human being in so many ways. I think before I speak (or post). I've become very private. If I express my opinions about anything, I make sure that they're informed and that I can back them up. My eyebrows are nicer. I'm a little fatter. I have unlearned my indoctrinated and inherited prejudice, but there is always room for improvement. I've come on in leaps and bounds from those days, and I hope that I never stop evolving.
What are some of the ways that you've changed? If you could go back three, five, or even ten years, what lessons and advice would you impart to your younger self?
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