Introverted Empath: Sensory Overload and Why People Exhaust Me
I love people. I care deeply that people are okay and that their life is good. I want the best for my fellow humans. I want humanity to stop before it's too late, learn some important lessons, and take a step back from the brink of self-destruction. I am fiercely loyal, protective, and emotionally invested in my relationships with the people that are dear to me, though my inner circle is small.
When I was deciding on what to title this blog post, I knew I wanted to write about empathy for me being so much more than the ability to be there for someone, and that at times, I see mine as a burden. I hesitated to use the word 'empath'. I think it's got a lot of cheesy connotations, and that it's thrown around a lot without people necessarily understanding what it truly means. However. After reading about it and thinking about it and looking deep inside myself, I feel like it's the best way that I could describe a huge part of who I am, as it's so much more than just a personality trait.
Being this way makes me a good listener. It makes me extremely careful with my thought processes and with how I express myself and my feelings. It also makes me incredibly sensitive to other people's emotional energies, and a bad vibe will knock me off my feet. It means that I have a terrible time blocking out any ugliness that's reverberating through my immediate environment. It means that lying to me about how you're feeling is a little bit futile...which can make me over-analyse everything because I don't understand why someone would want to hold on to that toxicity and not want to clear the air. It also means that my gut instinct has served me well, and it can often be frustrating when I see bad news, but no one else does. It’s like watching someone close to me get shafted in slow motion.
People make me so tired. It doesn't matter how much I love you, I need time to recharge. Four hours of socialising could mean I need an entire evening to recover, by myself. I enjoy being with my loved ones, and it's very difficult to explain why I need time to myself, and why I struggle when I don't have the option of going back to familiar surroundings if I need to. All of the personalities and the talking and the everything makes me weary. I appreciate time with people where we can be quiet, the warmth of just being AROUND another person can sometimes be enough for me. Being around more than two or three people at a time overwhelms me because I don't feel like I have the energy to split between them all. Large groups intimidate me and it is often much too much.
Being this way can make me seem aloof, distant, and cold, which if you really know me, are things that are so far away from what makes me fundamentally, me. I can fall so far into isolation that I forget how vital it is to spend time with others. It's such a balancing act, and it's difficult sometimes for me to get the ratio right. I feel things really hard and it can be draining. I sometimes give leniency where I shouldn't because I'm more concerned with the other person than I am about myself. I hurt so hard for people who are hurting and it can cause me to overlook the fact that they need to take responsibility for how they behave, regardless of extraneous factors.
I'm learning to protect myself, and to be honest about what I need, but it's a long hard road. If there's anyone out there who struggles with things like this, or this way of being, we should talk. You are not alone.
When I was deciding on what to title this blog post, I knew I wanted to write about empathy for me being so much more than the ability to be there for someone, and that at times, I see mine as a burden. I hesitated to use the word 'empath'. I think it's got a lot of cheesy connotations, and that it's thrown around a lot without people necessarily understanding what it truly means. However. After reading about it and thinking about it and looking deep inside myself, I feel like it's the best way that I could describe a huge part of who I am, as it's so much more than just a personality trait.
Being this way makes me a good listener. It makes me extremely careful with my thought processes and with how I express myself and my feelings. It also makes me incredibly sensitive to other people's emotional energies, and a bad vibe will knock me off my feet. It means that I have a terrible time blocking out any ugliness that's reverberating through my immediate environment. It means that lying to me about how you're feeling is a little bit futile...which can make me over-analyse everything because I don't understand why someone would want to hold on to that toxicity and not want to clear the air. It also means that my gut instinct has served me well, and it can often be frustrating when I see bad news, but no one else does. It’s like watching someone close to me get shafted in slow motion.
People make me so tired. It doesn't matter how much I love you, I need time to recharge. Four hours of socialising could mean I need an entire evening to recover, by myself. I enjoy being with my loved ones, and it's very difficult to explain why I need time to myself, and why I struggle when I don't have the option of going back to familiar surroundings if I need to. All of the personalities and the talking and the everything makes me weary. I appreciate time with people where we can be quiet, the warmth of just being AROUND another person can sometimes be enough for me. Being around more than two or three people at a time overwhelms me because I don't feel like I have the energy to split between them all. Large groups intimidate me and it is often much too much.
Being this way can make me seem aloof, distant, and cold, which if you really know me, are things that are so far away from what makes me fundamentally, me. I can fall so far into isolation that I forget how vital it is to spend time with others. It's such a balancing act, and it's difficult sometimes for me to get the ratio right. I feel things really hard and it can be draining. I sometimes give leniency where I shouldn't because I'm more concerned with the other person than I am about myself. I hurt so hard for people who are hurting and it can cause me to overlook the fact that they need to take responsibility for how they behave, regardless of extraneous factors.
I'm learning to protect myself, and to be honest about what I need, but it's a long hard road. If there's anyone out there who struggles with things like this, or this way of being, we should talk. You are not alone.
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