Valentine's Day: Self Love Special

Valentine's Day.

A day that makes the miserable more miserable, the lonely more lonely, the loved up a little obnoxious, and the rest of us...shrug our shoulders and say "Alrighty then".  The 'Forever Alone' memes are rife, the photos showing off whose partner surprised whom with what are plastered across Facebook and Instagram, and everything is so very...pink and frilly.  

There's this ugly unspoken social rule that states that you are somehow worth more as an individual if you have a loving (or sometimes just A) partner by your side.  Which is a little ironic considering that society then tends to lump you together as a single unit, thus defeating the purpose of you having merit as separate entities.  

Let me just take a few minutes to call bullshit on that whole toxic idea.

I am a firm believer in true love.  I believe in the magic of romance.  I believe in partnered bliss.  But not at the expense of your identity.  If you decide to pursue a relationship, it should never be to somehow 'fix' yourself, because you are more than good enough to begin with.  The temptation to be with someone just because it's someone is great when it's three o' clock in the morning, you're in bed on your own, and you're contemplating a cheese sandwich because lonely, miserable, and desperately need a cuddle (I know, I've been there).  

A romantic partner should lift you up and support you.  They should share the emotional and physical labour it requires to keep a relationship healthy and functioning at its best.  They should challenge you to be better without trying to change who you are at your core.  They should give you room to grow, and they should grow with you all the live long day.  They should encourage you to be who you are on your own without them, and do the same for themselves.  This is what you deserve, and you should never settle for less than that.  

Now that I've covered the reason for the season (the first two weeks of February are Valentine's Season, don't pretend they aren't), and the reason to never ever lower your standards just so you have someone to hold hands with on the 14th, I want to get into the actual point of this post. 

I will not be celebrating Valentine's Day with anyone special.  I am fully amenable to the idea of spending it with a friend, a group of friends, your cat, your dog, or even your family.  It doesn't have to be about romantic love, there's so many other types of love that are just as valuable to be indulged in and recognised as sacred.  

Gal-entine's or Pal-entine's Day anyone? 

Let's talk about a Valentine's Day that's spent entirely on Number One...yourself.  I'm SO glad that in recent years, especially (and a little ironically) with the massive developments in social media platforms, it's given people who suffer from mental health problems, low self esteem, and insecurity issues a place to be heard and validated.  There's pros and cons to everything, but the supportive communities that have flowered on Instagram and Facebook in the name of self love have given so many people the chance to be a part of a movement that values looking after yourself and not being ashamed to take time out if you need it or to love the skin that you're in.  

I'm here for it, I'm living for it, and I'm grateful as fuck that in an age where women especially are being bombarded with images of the picture-perfect life, body, face, and contouring skills, there's opportunities to combat that choreographed online persona standard.  The beautiful people of Instagram are jumping on board and posting makeup-less selfies, and body shots where they aren't flexing, posing, sticking anything out or sucking anything in, and it's actually such a great time to be a self love advocate. 

If you aren't spending V-Day with anyone, spend it with yourself.  You deserve time with you just as much as anyone else does.  I know this might seem a little silly.  Or difficult, when it seems like everyone around you is snuggling up to their honey bunny after a romantic candelit dinner and proclaiming how lucky they are (don't get me wrong, if you feel the urge to show your appreciation for your partner on social media, go for it, but this post is more for people who aren't celebrating with a significant other).

Take yourself for a walk in the woods, weather permitting.  If you can afford to take yourself out to dinner to your favourite place and you feel comfortable with that, do it- or you could buy ingredients for a indulgent meal you cook yourself, along with a bottle of wine or if you don't drink, a fancy dessert.  Have a movie night in with yourself and watch one or two of your favourite films.  Take a bubble bath and curl up with a good book.  Take a few lazy hours to read up on a subject that interests you.  Indulge in something crafty (even if you feel like you aren't artistic, it's such a therapeutic way to relax).  Binge watch your favourite TV series (again).  Buy your damn self a new piece of jewellery or whatever your heart desires and your pocket can afford to give up.  Take yourself on a thrifting and coffee date (this is one of my favourite past times) and see if you can dig up a cute secondhand outfit.  If you like wearing makeup, try a new look, you may be surprised that deep red lipstick does actually look incredible on you.  There's so many ways to show yourself that you give a damn, be creative and nurture that.

Now, I am painfully aware that not everyone is mentally in a place to cook themselves a nice fancy meal in the evening after taking themselves out for coffee and a little retail therapy.  I love you.  And self care can be hard.  This winter has taken it out of me mental health-wise, I feel you, and I understand.  The tiniest steps are so important.  Celebrate them, every small act deserves praise when you're in the Dark Place.  If you can make Valentine's Day about self love, and you wash your hair, brush your teeth, and put clean clothes on, you should be proud of yourself.  If you eat something, make sure it's your favourite thing, it's not too much effort, and it's tasty.  Huddle in your comforter if you can't leave your house and watch something that never fails to make you laugh- a couple of my go-to movies are Bridesmaids and Bridget Jones' Diary, and Friends is a show that I genuinely laugh out loud at.  Even if you don't leave your bed, light some candles or some incense.  I have a lighter and candles in my nightstand and there's something so mood boosting about that soft glow-y light.  

You working on Valentine's Day? Pick another day to make all about YOU.  You're worth so much more than your relationship status, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.