Bursting Out Of The Crypt: Motivational Life Journey Update
Hello. It's been a hot minute.
If anyone who's been quietly reading along to me waffling about this, that, and another thing has a recollection of me spilling my guts regarding how poor my mental health has been this winter, then this blog post is the antidote.
Sometime, oh I don't know, about six weeks ago, out of nowhere I gave myself a huge swift kick up the derriere. I had no choice but to decide that enough was enough and that the longer I stay in bed and think about all of The Things that I have to do, the less time I'm going to spending doing the things, which is going to drag me down even further.
It's been a battle, for sure. I've stayed almost completely off social media. My interaction with folks has been minimal (again, not because I don't love the people who are dear to me, but because I've never quite seemed to develop the whole multi-tasking as a grownup thing as a skill set). I've been what the world might call selfish. I've totally focused on me, and my own shit. I've taken the time to look after myself in a holistic way, although I have needed some additional help from my good buddy, Pro Plus.
Depression can grind everything in your life to an absolute halt and that's what happened to me. When I sit and think about the big picture too much instead of taking life one day at a time, it can be overwhelming to the point where bed is the only option. I then land right back on square one. What I've done to ease things for myself won't work for everyone, but if you're in that place, and what I'm saying sounds like it might be helpful, it's so worth a try.
The biggest thing that's gotten me out of my four month descent into darkness has been literally not thinking about the next day and about how much I have left to do. I've actively treated every accomplishment as being valid and valuable. I've taken to breaking down mundane tasks into bite sized pieces- for instance, instead of taking an entire afternoon out of my week to do housework, I might clean the bathroom sink and mirror one day, hoover the floors the next, and clean the tub the day after that. It all feels so much more manageable and like I'm keeping on top of it without it taking up a huge chunk of time. Dishes are done every day at around the same time so they don't have the chance to pile up. Laundry is done two or three times a week to avoid that same issue. My apartment is so small, that any kind of untidiness and mess affects me mentally, so I've found a way for it to stay in reasonable shape without it feeling like a mammoth task.
The kitchen. The kitchen has become a sacred place for ya girl, and I've never felt so in tune with what I'm putting into my body. It's become a place to create. I have a long standing unhealthy relationship with food, my body, and losing weight. I've calorie counted, tried Weight Watchers, severely restricted food groups, obsessively written down what I've eaten over the course of every day, and just not found any kind of joy in cooking. Getting in the kitchen and putting together meals and snacks has become a time that's almost meditative. I'm making things from scratch as much as possible, making homemade soup on the weekend to put in the freezer for lunches, and I'm not worrying a whit about calories, but focusing on taste and whole foods and I feel so alive in that. I made the most amazing chocolate chip chickpea cookie dough bites (it's not as weird as it sounds, I promise), and I just feel so GOOD feeding myself intuitively instead of freaking out about Not Supposed To. I've spent a good number of hours in the kitchen over the past several weeks cooking and baking and listening the BBC's Woman's Hour podcast- feeding myself in more ways than one.
In the vein of physical health and wellbeing, I've always been a little hit and miss with exercise, but I'm making a conscious effort trying to find a formula that I enjoy, that works for me, that makes me feel great, and that gives results. I'm currently on a yoga journey with a fantastic yoga instructor on youtube (her channel is called Yoga With Adriene, look it up if you don't know it, I can't recommend her highly enough!)- just half an hour a day for now. Gaining strength physically affects my mental and emotional strength in such a positive way, as well as boosting my self esteem.
I also have an ugly nervous habit where I pick at my skin. Especially the skin on my face as that's (usually) always exposed. I suffer from hormonal acne and oily skin, and while it's certainly not terrible skin, it can make my nervous habit go into overdrive. I constantly had horrible red marks all along my jawline, and under my chin from picking at it. In the past several weeks, keeping myself busy, keeping up with a good and consistent skin care routine, and yes drinking around 1.5 litres of water a day have improved my skin's condition ten fold, and has kept me from damaging it any further. After a long winter of not looking after myself, I've carved out twenty minutes each evening to do something small. Whether it's paint my toenails, wash my hair and condition it with olive oil, or pop a face mask on while I watch an episode of something on Netflix. It's made yet again, a significant difference to my self esteem. Even though I'm still feeling pretty..bleh about my looks and about me as a whole, baby steps are certainly an improvement. I've also started body brushing twice a day- once in the morning, and once in the evening to try to help tone my skin and improve my circulation. Not seeing any changes as of yet, but I've only been doing this for two weeks, so stay tuned...
Falling so far behind with college work had made catching up feel like a game I was never going to win at. Slowly but surely, after taking a deep breath, and making myself sit down at the table with the laptop every day to complete at least one childcare assignment, and a little bit of maths homework, I'm seeing the mountain of work in front of me diminish into a molehill. I've got what feels like a million placement hours to catch up on, and 10 hours a week is going to have to turn into more like 20 to make sure that I get them all under my belt by the summer holidays, but I'm determined to climb the mountain and prove myself to well...myself.
I'm so fired up, more than I think I've ever been. I have goals. I have a plan. Blips and falters are going to happen, but I refuse to let losing a little momentum eff up my chances at succeeding. Are there things that you do to help ease the burden of every day life? What are they?
If anyone who's been quietly reading along to me waffling about this, that, and another thing has a recollection of me spilling my guts regarding how poor my mental health has been this winter, then this blog post is the antidote.
Sometime, oh I don't know, about six weeks ago, out of nowhere I gave myself a huge swift kick up the derriere. I had no choice but to decide that enough was enough and that the longer I stay in bed and think about all of The Things that I have to do, the less time I'm going to spending doing the things, which is going to drag me down even further.
It's been a battle, for sure. I've stayed almost completely off social media. My interaction with folks has been minimal (again, not because I don't love the people who are dear to me, but because I've never quite seemed to develop the whole multi-tasking as a grownup thing as a skill set). I've been what the world might call selfish. I've totally focused on me, and my own shit. I've taken the time to look after myself in a holistic way, although I have needed some additional help from my good buddy, Pro Plus.
Depression can grind everything in your life to an absolute halt and that's what happened to me. When I sit and think about the big picture too much instead of taking life one day at a time, it can be overwhelming to the point where bed is the only option. I then land right back on square one. What I've done to ease things for myself won't work for everyone, but if you're in that place, and what I'm saying sounds like it might be helpful, it's so worth a try.
The biggest thing that's gotten me out of my four month descent into darkness has been literally not thinking about the next day and about how much I have left to do. I've actively treated every accomplishment as being valid and valuable. I've taken to breaking down mundane tasks into bite sized pieces- for instance, instead of taking an entire afternoon out of my week to do housework, I might clean the bathroom sink and mirror one day, hoover the floors the next, and clean the tub the day after that. It all feels so much more manageable and like I'm keeping on top of it without it taking up a huge chunk of time. Dishes are done every day at around the same time so they don't have the chance to pile up. Laundry is done two or three times a week to avoid that same issue. My apartment is so small, that any kind of untidiness and mess affects me mentally, so I've found a way for it to stay in reasonable shape without it feeling like a mammoth task.
The kitchen. The kitchen has become a sacred place for ya girl, and I've never felt so in tune with what I'm putting into my body. It's become a place to create. I have a long standing unhealthy relationship with food, my body, and losing weight. I've calorie counted, tried Weight Watchers, severely restricted food groups, obsessively written down what I've eaten over the course of every day, and just not found any kind of joy in cooking. Getting in the kitchen and putting together meals and snacks has become a time that's almost meditative. I'm making things from scratch as much as possible, making homemade soup on the weekend to put in the freezer for lunches, and I'm not worrying a whit about calories, but focusing on taste and whole foods and I feel so alive in that. I made the most amazing chocolate chip chickpea cookie dough bites (it's not as weird as it sounds, I promise), and I just feel so GOOD feeding myself intuitively instead of freaking out about Not Supposed To. I've spent a good number of hours in the kitchen over the past several weeks cooking and baking and listening the BBC's Woman's Hour podcast- feeding myself in more ways than one.
In the vein of physical health and wellbeing, I've always been a little hit and miss with exercise, but I'm making a conscious effort trying to find a formula that I enjoy, that works for me, that makes me feel great, and that gives results. I'm currently on a yoga journey with a fantastic yoga instructor on youtube (her channel is called Yoga With Adriene, look it up if you don't know it, I can't recommend her highly enough!)- just half an hour a day for now. Gaining strength physically affects my mental and emotional strength in such a positive way, as well as boosting my self esteem.
I also have an ugly nervous habit where I pick at my skin. Especially the skin on my face as that's (usually) always exposed. I suffer from hormonal acne and oily skin, and while it's certainly not terrible skin, it can make my nervous habit go into overdrive. I constantly had horrible red marks all along my jawline, and under my chin from picking at it. In the past several weeks, keeping myself busy, keeping up with a good and consistent skin care routine, and yes drinking around 1.5 litres of water a day have improved my skin's condition ten fold, and has kept me from damaging it any further. After a long winter of not looking after myself, I've carved out twenty minutes each evening to do something small. Whether it's paint my toenails, wash my hair and condition it with olive oil, or pop a face mask on while I watch an episode of something on Netflix. It's made yet again, a significant difference to my self esteem. Even though I'm still feeling pretty..bleh about my looks and about me as a whole, baby steps are certainly an improvement. I've also started body brushing twice a day- once in the morning, and once in the evening to try to help tone my skin and improve my circulation. Not seeing any changes as of yet, but I've only been doing this for two weeks, so stay tuned...
Falling so far behind with college work had made catching up feel like a game I was never going to win at. Slowly but surely, after taking a deep breath, and making myself sit down at the table with the laptop every day to complete at least one childcare assignment, and a little bit of maths homework, I'm seeing the mountain of work in front of me diminish into a molehill. I've got what feels like a million placement hours to catch up on, and 10 hours a week is going to have to turn into more like 20 to make sure that I get them all under my belt by the summer holidays, but I'm determined to climb the mountain and prove myself to well...myself.
I'm so fired up, more than I think I've ever been. I have goals. I have a plan. Blips and falters are going to happen, but I refuse to let losing a little momentum eff up my chances at succeeding. Are there things that you do to help ease the burden of every day life? What are they?
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